Update in December

It’s been awhile since I last posted due to a upturn in my happiness.  I have purchased a condo here in Columbia and have begun the ardious process of moving in.  Just installed hardwood floors in my bedroom and I bought a 50″ plasma HDTV.  And yet, I’m still not where I want to be.  At least, not exactly.  I am still alone, but that’s nothing unexpected, I have still yet to tell the one woman I actually have feelings for that I do.  Her graduation is next weekend and I think that may be the time.  We’ll see.

There is still much work to be done on this old condo, but nothing a little elbow grease and some TLC can’t fix.  And a shitload of cash.  It’ll get there, though I don’t know why.  It’s not like I’m doing it for anyone but myself and I find that sometimes I just don’t care that much.  I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe if I build it, they will come.  Sometimes I wonder what’ll happen when my friends all get lives and my parents pass. 

Speaking of which, in my last post I mentioned that my friend and his girl would be moving in with me and that we’d leave the messy one behind.  Yeah, that didn’t happen.  The dude and his girl bailed on me so here I am stuck with the trashy one.  He seems to be trying though, so that’s good.  If push comes to shove, I can always toss him out on his ear.  He has a girlfriend now so maybe she’ll keep him cleaner.

I am slightly disturbed in my usual daytime fantasies of being happy (in a lovers arms, relaxing in a meadow, etc) have been increasingly replaced with a fantasy of shooting myself in the head or cutting myself.  Ugh, I really hope I don’t become one of those people who cut themselves to make sure they still feel.  You’d think they’d be happy that they can’t.  What I wouldn’t give to rid myself of my own physical and mental pain, if even for just a day.

A new comically depressing development:  Apparently, I am slightly allergic to my down comforter.  I guess it’s the feathers, or perhaps since it is kinda old, something growing on the feathers that is making my athema act up a bit at night making sleeping difficult.  Perhaps I’ll stop breathing during the night and finally pass.  There’s too much to hope for there.